英语笑话(一) 老师在黑板上写了一句:Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道: “汤姆是玛丽。 ” 小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去? 小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊! 英语笑话(二) 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾,上前搭话曰:I am hongtao liu,外宾曰:我 TM 还是方片七呢! 英语笑话(三) 江青会见外宾, 要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻, 不许走样。 外宾一见到江青, 立刻拍马屁道: "Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻,江青心花怒 放,嘴上还要谦虚一下: “哪里, 哪里” 。 翻译不敢怠慢,把江青的话翻成英文:"Where? Where?" 外宾一愣,还有这样的人,追问哪 里漂亮的,干脆马屁拍到底:"Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译: “你到处都很漂亮。 ”江青更高兴了,但总是要客气一下: “不见得,不见得” 。翻译赶 紧翻成英文:"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话(四) 话说某年某月的某一天,叁个神箭手约在一起比箭,目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A 神箭 手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果。A 高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大 拇指道: AM 后 「I 羿! 」 B 神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句: AM 丘比特! 「I 」 轮到 C 了,他也挽弓,利箭射出! 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句: 「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」 英语笑话(六) 一位来自日本的旅客,坐出租车去机场的路上,看到一辆汽车经过,就说: “oh,TOKOTA! Made in Japan! It is very fast! ”又有一辆经过,他又说: “oh,NISSAN!Made in Japan! It is very fast! ”司机有点不高兴,觉得他太吵了!当第三辆经过时,他还是说: “oh,HONDA! Made in Japan! It is very fast! ” 后来到了机场,那个日本人就问: “How Much?”出租车司机说: “10
  00! ” 日本人惊奇的问司机: “为什么那么贵?”出租车司机回答说: “oh,mileometer(计 程表) ! Made in Japan! It is very fast! ” 英语笑话(七)
英语老师问一个学生, “How are you 是什么意思” 学生想 how 是怎么,you 是你,于是回答“怎么是你?” 老师生气又问另一个同学: “How old are you ?是什么意思?” 这个同学想了想说: “怎么老是你。 ”
英语笑话(八) 一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转。 他不放心的问道:turn left? 监考官回答:right. 于是他立刻向右转。 很抱歉他只有下次再来。
一位在美的留?生,想要考???照。 在考??因??於??,看到地上??是向左?。 他不放心的?道: turn left? ?考官回答:right ! 於是他立刻向右?。 很抱歉他只有下次再?。 某人刻苦??英?,?有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, ?忙?:I am sorry. 老外?道:I am sorry too. 某人?後又道:I am sorry three. 老外不解,?:What are you sorry for? 某人?奈,道:I am sorry five. 某男,亦初通英文,至使?,有表要填,有一?是 sex。 ?男思之久已,毅然下?:once a week。 ??官?后暴笑,曰:this item should be filled in with male or female. ?男??赧?,思之,填下?female, 官楞之,曰:Shouldn't it be male? 男急?曰:I am a normal man, so I have sex with female. 某公司?理叫秘??呈公文?老?, 「?告老?,下?月?洲有一批??,我?得公司需要?人去和他???。 」 老?在公文後面短短?下: Go a head! 」 「 ?理收到之後,?上指示下???票、?行程,自己?是整理行李。 ?出?那一刻,被秘??下?。 秘?: 「你要?什??」 ?理: 「去?洲??啊! 」 秘?: 「老?同意了??」 ?理: 「老?不是批 go a head ??」
秘?: 「你?公司那?久,?道你?不知道老?的英文程度?? 老?的意思是:去??! 」 有位女士,?性喜??便宜。 某日??曼哈?名牌衣?大??;她去?便宜,???去,?於挑到一件。但?式新潮,不敢? 定是女??是男?。 正巧一位又高又?又黑的男服??朝她走??。 就用英??他:' for Girl or Boy?' 黑人回答:'Unisex'! 她?成'You need sex ',?不是性???又怕自己??,露出?愕?疑的神情; 黑服????,一?字母一?字母地解?: ' U ? N ? I ? SEX!' ?次她?的很清楚' You and I Sex',立即找黑人上司理?, 一位老兄?自到??出差。工作之?,打算看看?景名?。 ?此他查考了大量的?料,??去自由女神像。?了?全,甚至把??自由女神??的???? 都找到了...666-26
  13。 ?天,他叫了??程???出?,下面是他和?程?司?的??; ?程?司??道: ' Where do you want to go, Sir?' 老兄不知道自由女神像英文??' Statue of Liberty' , 他想自由??是 FREE,女神大概是 WOMAN。於是回答司?' FREE WOMAN!' 司??成'免?的女人', ?上道: 'What? Oh! Hey man, Here is America, nothing is free! ' 老兄:' Oh! How come! I read it from yellow page. See, here is the phone number, ' 'sex-sex-sex-two-sex-one-free. '
 

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